Microsoft Cordless Notebook Optical Mouse 3000, retail $29.95 (
Manufactured by Microsoft (
Last updated 02-25-10

This isn't a laser, flashlight, or other product specifically designed to produce light, but since it uses an LED and that lamp is rather critical to its functionality, I figured "what the H-E-Double-Bendy-Straws" - I'd probably get eternal darnation if I failed to add it to this website because of that LED in it anyway.

This is a cordless three-button computer mouse that uses an optical tracking mechanism rather than a ball. The third (center) button also incorporates a scroll wheel, eliminating the need to mouse over and "click & drag" on the scroll bar at the far right of the document or web page you're on in order to get that page to scroll.

 Size of product w/hand to show scale SIZE

This mouse is actually quite easy to use.

Install the included AA cell in it first, and THEN you can go waste that phoney "policeman" in Wolfenstein 3D.

Plug the receiver (the little black thing) into any free USB port on your desktop or laptop computer. The computer should almost immediately "sense" its presence and automatically install the correct driver.

At this point, the mouse should now be working.

To change the battery in your brand spanken new (or corroded old) Microsoft Cordless Notebook Optical Mouse 3000, place a fingernail in the space between the grey and red portions of the mouse on its upper surface toward the back, push inward, and then lift the red top straight off. Carry it to a bridge over deep water (the Oakland Bay Bridge would be ideal; however, the Juneau-Douglas Bridge would also do in a pinch here), and throw it over the side so that it goes "blub blub blub" all the way to the bottom of Gastineau Channel with all of the bowling balls that were lobbed over that bridge in the 1950s and 1960s...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL WANT THAT!!! So just set it aside instead.

This is the top piece that should be removed and how it might look to actually do it.

You'll see an AA cell in a compartment. Remove the AA cell, and dispose of or recycle it as you see fit.

Insert a new AA cell into this compartment, orienting it so that its flat-end (-) negative goes in first. Press down firmly but gently on the cell (battery) until it no longer moves.

Place the red top piece on, and swing it down until it faintly snaps into place.

Aren't you glad that you didn't throw that top piece over the side of the Juneau-Douglas Bridge now?

This is what the Juneau-Douglas Bridge looks like...or what it lookED like anyway before it was replaced in 1976.

And this is what the bridge looks like now.

Unable to measure current usage due to how the product was constructed.

The Microsoft Cordless Notebook Optical Mouse 3000 is designed to be a computer peripheral, not a flashlight meant to be carried around, thrashed, and abused; so I won't try to drown it in the toliet tank, bash it against a steel rod or against the concrete floor of a patio, let my mother's big dog's ghost or my sister's kitty cats spring a leak (uranate) on it, run over it with a 450lb Celebrity motorised wheelchair, stomp on it, use a medium or large ball peen hammer in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoņata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piņata" too much again - candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piņata Central {aka. "Party Central"}), with a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or with a pack-of-cards-sized device that Fergy Fudgehog uses; the cannoņata (also located at Piņata Central) is only used to shoot piņatas to piņata parties away from picturesque Piņata Island, and Mt. Erupto is an active volcano on Piņata Island), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analysis, or perform other indecencies on it that a flashlight might have to have performed on it. So this section of the web page will be ***SIGNIFICANTLY*** more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight.

The Microsoft Cordless Notebook Optical Mouse 3000 is advertised to have a resolution of 1,000 dpi (dots per inch); which is higher than the resolution of many other optical computer mouses, and has an advertised battery life of six months.

The receiver (the black thing that plugs into the USB port) can be snapped into a shallow compartment for it on the underside of the mouse; this serves to turn the mouse completely off and extend its battery life.
Here, let's show you with a photograph...*snap!*...*click!*...and it's off to the Fotomat we go...

"Beam" photograph on the test target at 12".
This light is not designed to be seen, so this photograph really wasn't absolutely, positively, 100% necessary.

Spectrographic analysis
Spectrographic analysis of the LED in this mouse.
USB2000 spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.

Product was given to me as a Christmas present by a family member on 12-25-09.
Primarily because it was a gift, the "" icon will appear next to its listings on this website and abusive testing will not be performed.

Product was made in China.
A product's country of origin really does matter to some people, which is why I published it on this web page.

UPDATE: 01-28-10
This product has apparently failed -- the cursor no longer moves, and the tracking LED in the mouse remains at full intensity even after multiple power-cycle attempts.

Therefore, that dreadful "Failed or was destroyed during/after testing" icon will be appended to its listings on this website.

UPDATE: 01-28-10
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, a same-day update.
The mouse has mysteriously resumed proper operation, so I do not need to add the "Failed or was destroyed during/after testing" icon to its listings after all.

UPDATE: 02-24-10
The battery has already pooped out; I checked it on a ZTS Pulse Load Battery Tester, and it failed to register at all.
That's definitely ***NOT*** "six months" as quoted on the packaging materials.

    MANUFACTURER: Microsoft
    PRODUCT TYPE: USB cordless optical computer mouse
    No. OF LAMPS: 1
    SWITCH TYPE: Momentary pushbutton switches
    CASE MATERIAL: Plastic
    BEZEL: N/A
    BATTERY: 1x AA cell
    CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
    WATER-RESISTANT: Light splatter-resistant at maximum
    ACCESSORIES: USB receiver, 1x AA cell
    WARRANTY: 3 years


    Product was not intended to be a light-emitter, so the conventional "star" rating will not be used.

Microsoft Cordless Notebook Optical Mouse 3000 *

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