Titanium Turbo T2 Shaver, retail ~$11.00 (Discontinued) (www.asseenontv.com...*)
Manufactured by (Unkown)
Last updated 06-24-10

I've had this for quite a few years now, that's why it does not look brand spanken new in the above photograph!!!

This product does not emit light of its own, so the standard review format will not be used and the product will not be assigned a rating. This website is mostly about light-emitting products, but occasionally, you'll see non-light emitting products on it too if it's something I really like and/or use on a regular basis. It does have a yellow-green LED in it, so it's at least a bit germane to the theme of this website.

This is the Titanium Turbo.
It is an electric shaver that operates from a pair of disposable AA cells. It features (what I believe is a) titanium screen over the blades, and is designed to shave shorter stubble only. Use another trimmer first if you have more than a few days' growth of facial hair.

* Unit was provided as a "freebie" when I purchased a Bell + Howell ZX3 Tri Tech electric shaver in late-2004 or early-2005; however, it has since been discontinued and is no longer available.

I'm so ***GLAD*** that it was free...it does such a craptacular job of shaving facial hair that I would have been rather uranated (angry, PO'd, ticked, mad, etc.) if I had actually had to pay money for this horrible, horrible thing.

 Size of product w/hand to show scale SIZE

To use the Titanium Turbo, feed it with a pair of AA cells first, and THEN you can make that pesky beard hair fall into the toliet. -- if you can actually cut any of it off with this abomination that is!!!

Turn the unit on by sliding the large slide switch (located on the upper surface of the product) forward (toward the blades).

Shave yourself.

Shave some more.

When finished (or when you get tired of shaving the same area and the hair remains, causing you to become angry and viciously slam it into the bathroom waste bin!!!), turn the unit off by sliding the large slide switch downward (toward the product's base) -- THEN it is kosher to throw it away.

To change the batteries in the Titanium Turbo, carefully (but firmly) pull on the bottom of the product until it comes off, and set it aside.

Remove the used AA cells, and dispose of or recycle them as you see fit.

Insert two new AA cells, orienting them according to the polarity legends (+) and (-) embossed near the rim.

Pop the bottom piece back on, and be done with it.

This is a grooming aid, not a flashlight designed to be thrashed, trashed, and abused. So I won't throw it against the wall, stomp on it, try to drown it in the toylet bowl or the cistern, run over it, swing it against the concrete floor of a porch, use a small sledgehammer in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoņata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piņata" too much again - candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piņata Central), with a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or with a pack-of-cards-sized device that Fergy Fudgehog uses; the cannoņata (also located at Piņata Central) is only used to shoot piņatas to piņata parties away from picturesque Piņata Island, and Mt. Erupto is an active volcano on Piņata Island {In the episode "Les Saves the Day...Again", Paulie Preztail says "Hey, ever wonder why this park's called 'Mount Erupto' anyway?", then Franklin Fizzlybear says "I think its an old native term. Means 'very safe.'"}), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analyses, or inflict upon it punishments that a flashlight might have to have performed on it. So this section of the web page will be ***SIGNIFICANTLY*** more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight.

A video clip on YourTube showing this product in use.
My left eye is what's known as a "googly eye" because I had a very serious (Crash Course In) brain surgery {obscure Metallica reference here} in late-2002, and now have a palsy of several facial muscles.

This clip is approximately 10.333312386731 megabytes (10,516,800 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than fifty two minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.

A video clip on YourTube showing where this worthless piece of caca REALLY belongs.

This clip is approximately 2.300942585644 megabytes (2,457,528 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than twelve minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.

The Titanium Turbo T2 comes with a fully-stocked toliet bag -- perhaps the best part of this package.

The toliet bag contains the following male grooming instruments:

Fingernail file (emery board-like texture)
Fingernail clippers
Toenail clippers
Lint removal tool
Travel toothbrush

This is a horrible, horrible product that I cannot possibly recommend.

If I rated this like I rate flashlights & lasers, I'm absolutely, positively, 100% certain that it would receive the dreadful "0 Stars...Whip Out Your {vulgar slang term for male tallywhacker} or Sit on the {vulgar slang term for water closet} and {vulgar slang term for piddle} On It!" rating.

Unit was provided as a "freebie" when I purchased a Bell + Howell ZX3 Tri Tech electric shaver in late-2004 or early-2005.

UPDATE: 00-00-00

    PRODUCT TYPE: Cordless electric shaver
    No. OF LAMPS: N/A
    SWITCH TYPE: Slide on/off on upper surface of product
    CASE MATERIAL: Plastic
    BEZEL: N/A
    BATTERY: 2x AA cells
    WATER- AND URANATION-RESISTANT: Light splatter-resistance at maximum
    ACCESSORIES: 2x AA cells, cleaning brush, fully-stocked toliet bag
    WARRANTY: 1 year


    This is not a light-emitting product, so the
    standard "star" rating will not be used.

Titanium Turbo T2 Shaver *

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