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MULTI-FUNCTIONAL
LED LAMP
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Multi-Functional LED Lamp, retail $1.00
Manufactured by (Unknown)
Last updated 01-13-11

The Multi-Function LED Lamp is a smallish flashlight that has the following features:

o Forward-facing flashlight with relatively narrow beam.
o Side-mounted LED "area light" that provides a wide flood.
o Rear-mounted red "taillight" -- they really aren't red LEDs though (see below)
o Bottle opener. Yes, I said "bottle opener".

It comes in a black plastic body with a chrome-colored "ring" around the bezel as an accent. And the whole thing feeds from a trio of easy-to-obtain AAA cells, plus it has a single slide switch on the side to easily control the unit's lighting modes.

Size of product w/hand to show scale

SIZE

To use the Multi-Function LED Lamp, feed it first (see directly below), and THEN you can go light up those click beetle grubs (larvae) while at the same time pop open an ice cold bottle of your favourite libation with the bottle opener built right in.

To use the flashlight, slide the switch on one edge of the product (not far from the bezel) forward until it clicks.
To use the area light, slide the switch backward (toward the tail) until it clicks once.
To use the taillight, slide the switch backward until it clicks two times (all of these operations are from the "Off" position).
To extinguish all of the lights, slide the switch so that it is one click backward from the flashlight position.

To open a bottle of beer, pop, or other liquid refreshment, look in the opening in the bezel (head) for a small metal tab. Orient the unit so that this tab is at the bottom. Then simply use the product as you might use any dedicated bottle opener.

To change the batteries, unclip and swing away the battery door located on the side of the product opposite the area light, take it to a bridge over deep water (the Golden Gate Bridge would be ideal; however, the Juneau-Douglas Bridge would also suffice here), and throw it over the side so that it goes "bulb bulb bulb" all the way to the bottom of Gastineau Channel with all of the bowling balls that were lobbed over that bridge in the 1950s and 1960s...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead.

Remove the used-up old AAA cells, and dispose of or recycle them as you see fit.
Do not attempt to microwave them, flush them away, or throw them into a trout-filled stream.

Insert three new AAA cells into the battery chamber, orienting them so their flat-ends (-) negatives face the spring for them in each chamber.

Finally, place the battery door back on, and gently push down on it to snap it into place.
Aren't you glad that you didn't throw that tailcap over the side of the Juneau-Douglas Bridge now?

This is what the Jueau-Douglas Bridge looks like...or what it lookED like anyway before it was replaced in 1976.

And this is what the bridge looks like now.

Unable to measure the current consumption due to how the product was constructed.

This flashlight comes in a somewhat brittle-feeling plastic case, not a metal or sturdier plastic one. So I won't bash it against a steel rod or against the concrete floor of a front porch in effort to try and expose the bare Metalmarineangemon - er - the bare Metalagunimon - um that's not it either...the bare Metalskullgreymon...er...uh...wait a sec here...THE BARE METAL (guess I've been watching too much Digimon again!

- now I'm just making {vulgar term for feces} up!!!) {The bare metal from what? The bottle opener?

}, let my mother's big dog's ghost or my sister's kitty cats spring a leak (uranate) on it, hose it down with a gun, run over it with a 450lb Celebrity motorised wheelchair, stomp on it, use a medium ball peen hammer (or a large claw hammer) in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoñata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piñata" too much again

- candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piñata Central {aka. "Party Central"}), with a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or with a pack-of-cards-sized device that Fergy Fudgehog uses; the cannoñata (also located at Piñata Central) is only used to shoot piñatas to piñata parties away from picturesque Piñata Island, and Mt. Erupto is an active volcano on Piñata Island), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analyses, or perform other indecencies on it that a flashlight might have to have performed on it. Therefore, this section of the Multi-Functional LED Lamp's evaluation will seem a bit more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight in a metal or sturdier plastic body.

Water-resistance appears to be rather minimal at best. It has light splatter- and sprinkle-resistance, but it is not waterproof and for Christ sakes it is not submersible.

The taillight does not use red LEDs and a circuit to pulse them; instead it uses two (what were once expensive) LEDs with the pulsing circuitry built in. One of them is RGB (red/green/blue); the other is RC (red/cyan) -- I've never seen a red/cyan LED before!!!
I have half a mind to disembowel the {vulgar term for one who initiates intercourse} just to harvest that unique LED!!!

On the subject of "feeling cheap", I had a devil of a time getting the last (third) AAA cell installed; I had to use another instrument to push it in all the way -- finger pressure was not sufficient here.

Beam photograph on the test target at 12" (flashlight mode).
Measures 78,600mcd on an Amprobe LM631A light meter.

Beam photograph on a wall at ~10 feet (flashlight mode).

Those colored graphics toward the left are my "Viva Piñata" posters, that clock on the right that looks like a gigantic wristwatch is my Infinity Optics Clock,
and that sign that's so colorful and gay* is my LED ''SIGNS'' Sign.
You may also be able to see two of my SpongeBob SquarePants plush (Squidward Tentacles & Patrick Star) and a Digimon plush (Greymon)

Beam photograph on the test target at 12" (area light mode).
Measures 16,410mcd on an Amprobe LM631A light meter.

This is a very wide viewing angle source, and if I've told you once, I've told you 2,458,770 times:
Wider viewing angles always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS equal lower mcd values!!!

Beam photograph on the test target at 12" (warning light mode).

Spectrographic analysis of the LEDs in this flashlight (flashlight mode).

Spectrographic analysis of the LEDs in this flashlight (area light mode).

Spectrographic analysis of the LEDs in this flashlight (warning light mode).

Spectrographic analysis of the taillight LEDs showing that more than red light is generated.
The prismatic red diffuser was removed prior to taking the two taillight spectra.

USB2000 spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.

ProMetric analysis

Beam cross-sectional analysis (flashlight).

ProMetric analysis

Beam cross-sectional analysis (area light).

The squarish dip at left-center that queered the test

is a defect in the instrument's CCD imager that I cannot compensate for.

Images made using the ProMetric System by Radiant Imaging.

Video on YourTube showing that the "taillight" really isn't red.

The video is approx. 8.477834721963 megabytes (8,642,132 bytes); dial-up users please be aware. It will take no less than one forty two minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.

TEST NOTES:
Test unit of this plus several other products was sent by J.R. of Arizona on 01-03-11 (or "03 Jan 2011" or even "Jan. 03 Twenty Double Sticks" if you prefer) and was received at 5:08pm PST on 01-10-11 (or "10 Jan 2011" or even "Jan. 10 Twenty Double Sticks"). It was purchased at a "dollar store" in Arizona USA in early-2011.

* Gay = bright and lively, ***NOT*** homosexual!!!

UPDATE: 00-00-00

PROS:
The price is right (O WAIT!!! Isn't that a TV game show?)
Decent intensity in both flashlight and area light modes
Uses batteries that are relatively inexpen$ive and readily available

CONS:
Unit has an overall "brittle" feel
Not that water-resistant and ***DEFINITELY NOT*** submersible
Switch feels a bit cheap -- like it could "go" at any time
Does not use actual red LEDs in the taillight

Unknown/not stated

3-in-1 Flashligh/Area Light/Red Warning Light

LED

11 (6 wide-angle white, 3 normal white, 1 RGB, 1 CR {cyan/red})

Medium-narrow spot w/dimmer-than-usual corona (flashlight), wide flood (area), medium spot w/lots of artifacts (warning light)

Slide on/mode change/off on side of barrel

Plastic

Plastic; LEDs protected by plastic windows

3x AAA cells

Light splatter/sprinkle-resistant at maximum

FOR JOHN R. SAKES NOOOO!!!!

None

137mm L x 26mm W (X-axis) x 60mm W (Y-axis)

Unknown/unable to weigh

China

Unknown/not stated

Multi-Functional LED Lamp *

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