Perfect Polly™, retail $14.99 (
Manufactured by (Unknown) for Telebrands (
Last updated 08-03-13

This product does not emit light and isn't an R/C vehicle or test instrument, so my standard review format will not be used and the Perfect Polly™ will not be assigned a rating.

The Perfect Polly™ is a rather lifelike-looking plastic animatronic parakeet that sings and moves whenever you approach the bird.

It emits rather realistic chirping sounds as a real parakeet might, it turns its head to the left and also moves its tail "feathers" at the same time.

The Perfect Polly™ has an on/off switch that allows you to silence it at night so that if the cat walks near it, it won't awaken you with unexpected chirping.

 Size of product w/hand to show scale SIZE

To use your Perfect Polly™, first assemble its perch by placing the upright portion into the hole in its base; orienting it as such that the grooves in the upright piece fit into the little tits for them in the base's hosel (a raised circular "hole").

You may then place the bird onto its perch by lining up the two little tits on the horizontal bar of the perch with the two small openings in the bird's feet.

That takes care of the activate your Perfect Polly™, feed it first (see directly below), and slide the slide switch located between the bird's legs to the "ON" position (toward the bird's head).
Your Perfect Polly™ will now chirp and move its head & tail feathers whenever it detects motion within approx. 12" (1 foot) of it.

To neutralise (silence) your animatronic buddy, slide the same black slide switch rearward (toward the bird's bunghole).

To feed your Perfect Polly™ (do not attempt to cram seeds in its mouth -- that doesn't work here!!!), lift it off its perch if necessary, and turn it so that its belly faces up toward the ceiling.

Unclip & remove the battery door, place it in a real birdcage, clean out that cage (usually by sliding the {vulgar slang term for caca}-covered newspaper out and wadding those bitches up for disposal), and throw it into the dustbin (garbage can)...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead!!!

If necessary, remove the tired old AG-13 (LR44) button cells, and dispose of or recycle them as you see fit.
Do not use your foot to push them under the Lazy-Boy where the dog might find them, do not attempt to flush them down the loo, and for Christ sakes please do not throw them over the side of a dock where they might hit a flounder on the way down to the sea bottom.

Install three new AG-13 (LR44) button cells, orienting them so that their flat-ends (+) positives face the spring at one end of the chamber.

Clip that battery door back on, and be done with it.
Aren't you glad that you didn't toss that battery door into a real birdcage now?


1: When I removed it from the packaging, it was made entirely of hard plastic -- the softest part is probably its claws.
I was expecting a bird with a softer, more lifelike feel to it. Although I wasn't expecting real feathers, it would seem to me that a fabric of some type would have made this bird a bit more lifelike -- considering that it is meant not only for static display, but to be held in the hand as well.

2: It uses three of those tiny AG-13 (LR44) button cells -- with that solenoid or motor inside to turn its head and move its tail feathers, those itty bitty batteries won't last very long at all.

3: Although it is shown in the commercials to perch on your finger, what you DON'T see is that you have to hold one or more of the claws down with your thumb or else the Perfect Polly™ will simply clatter to the floor and possibly become broken.

4: It isn't loud and obnoxious like the commercial portrays it to be.
The chirping has a lower amplitude (volume) than the chirping produced by a real parakeet.

5: If the cat gets hold of the Perfect Polly™ and manages to bite its head off, the stupid headless dead bird will still chirp, because its transducer (loudspeaker) is located on the bird's underside just in front of its legs.

6: The placement of the on/off switch between the bird's legs is a bit questionable -- it's directly between the wiener and the vent (bunghole) on a real bird. This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Turn the birdie on", hahaha!!!

7: You have to remove the Perfect Polly™ from its perch in order to neutralise it (deactivate it).

Photograph of the product "perched" on my finger.

Video on YourTube that shows the Prefect Polly™ chirping, and (later) one of our kitty cats trying to bite the phoney-bologna fake plastic sodding stupid dead bird's head off.

This video is approximately 9.6634551883 megabytes (9,822,183 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than forty eight minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.

Test unit was purchased on the Perfect Polly™ website on 12-23-12 and was received on 02-07-13.

My bank card was never charged; presumably because of the much longer-than-expected lead time.

UPDATE: 02-19-13
Well, guess what?
Nikki seems strangely disinterested in the phoney-bologna fake plastic bird, even if it is activated and placed right in front of her.
Perhaps the chirping and other cacaphony produced by Perfect Polly sounds artificial to her and causes her to ***KNOW*** that it isn't a real bird.
At least Bear-Bear tried to bite its head off.

UPDATE: 02-26-13
My cat Nikki nocked the stupid sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room a couple of mornings ago.

To wit:

She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch in the garbage; I saw them in the can shortly before dumping the can into a bin bag (plastic garbage bag) so that the dustman (garbage man) will pick it up for disposal.

UPDATE: 02-27-13
My cat Nikki nocked the stupid sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (AGAIN!!!) two mornings ago; I saw her do it this time. She nocked the bird and its perch into the garbage can at 10:15am PST on 02-25-13.

To wit:

She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch into the garbage can a second consecutive day.

UPDATE: 03-03-13
My cat Nikki nocked the stupid sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (A THIRD, FOURTH, AND FIFTH TIME!!!) this morning.

To wit:

She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch onto the floor (because she missed the trash can).

She missed the garbage can again...oops!!!

She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch into the garbage can again -- this time getting it inside the can.

UPDATE: 03-07-13
My cat Nikki nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (AGAIN!!!) this morning.

To wit:

UPDATE: 03-15-13
My cat Nikki nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (YET AGAIN!!!) on the very early afternoon of the 12th.

To wit:

She also nocked it in on the afternoon of the is photographic evidence of the crime scene:

    MANUFACTURER: Unknown/not stated
    PRODUCT TYPE: Motion-activated animatronic parakeet
    No. OF LAMPS: None
    SWITCH TYPE: Slide on/off between bird's legs
    CASE MATERIAL: Plastic
    BEZEL: N/A
    BATTERY: 3x AG-13 (LR44) button cells
    CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
    WATER- AND URANATION-RESISTANT: Very light splatter-resistant at absolute maximum
    ACCESSORIES: Stand (perch), 3x AG-13 button cells
    SIZE: ~165mm L x 43.50mm W x 41.50mm H (not incl. perch)
    WEIGHT: 50.70g (1.790 oz.)
    WARRANTY: Unknown/not stated


    This product will not be rated because it is not a light-emitter or R/C vehicle.

Perfect Polly™ *

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