Patriotic Light-Up Necklace, retail $3.49 (www.safeway.com*)
Manufactured by (Unknown) for Klein International, Ltd. (www.kleinintl.com)
Last updated 04-05-13
The Patriotic Light-Up Necklace is a rather cool-looking necklace designed to be used on or shortly before the 4th of July (Independence Day in the United States).
The necklace has red, white, and blue stars strung on a thin white cord; the red stars (all eight of them) turn on with bright red LEDs, and they have three modes when the product is activated and the small back pushbutton on the surprisingly small battery box is messed with.
It operates from two CR1220 lithium coin cells held discreetly in the rear assembly.
* Product was not found on the Safeway website, so this URL simply leads to their 'front door'.
SIZE
Put this necklace on as you would put many other large necklaces on - that is, just loop it over your head and orient it so that the white battery box is at the back of your neck.
To turn it on in alternating flash mode, press & release the button on the white battery case once.
To switch to unison (at the same time) flashing, just press & release the same button again.
To turn all of the LEDs on in "steady" mode, press & release the button a third time.
To neutralise the LEDs (turn the necklace off), press & release the button a fourth time.
Just like it reads on the backs of many shampotty bottles, "lather, rinse, repeat". In other words, pressing & releasing the button again starts the cycle anew with alternating flash mode.
To change the batteries, use a very small Phillips screwdriver (the #0 in my set of jeweller's screwdrivers did the trick here) to unscrew & remove the rather small screw that holds the battery door on. Set it in a shallow dish or something so that it cannot accidentally fall or be blown onto the rug where it could later fall prey to the hungry, hungry vacuum cleaner.
Remove the battery door (use the screwdriver you just had if necessary), buy yourself an airline ticket and fly yourself plus the battery door to Hollywood (put it in checked baggage if necessary), bring it to the set of the new movie, "Halloween V: Season of the Bitch", have the special effects crew grind it into microscopic bits to have those itty bitty bits implanted into millions of Kotex and Tampax tampons, and...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So save your airfare & just set it aside instead.
You'll see a metal thing inside the battery compartment. Carefully lift it away (it's attached to a wire, so don't reef on it too hard or else it could become broken and your necklace will no longer function!!!)
Remove the two CR1220 lithium coin cells, and dispose of or recycle them as you see fit. Do not use your foot to push them under the Lazy-Boy where the cat might find them, do not attempt to flush them down the loo, and for God sakes please do not throw them over the side of a dock where they might hit a flounder on the way down to the sea bottom.
Insert two new CR1220 lithium coin cells into the chamber, orienting them so that their flat (+) positive ends face up.
Place that metal thing back over the topmost cell, and place the battery door back on. While holding the battery door down, insert & gently tighten that tiny screw that you were supposed to put in the shallow dish earlier.
Done with that, fun yeah!!!
Aren't you glad that you didn't fly that battery door to Hollywood where it would get ground into microscopic bits for the sake of some phoney-bologna fake Halloween movie now?
The battery door seems to be a bit 'fiddly', in that the end with the screw hole does not want to fit flush with the rest of the battery box -- but after several iterations of moving that metal tab inside and refitting the battery door, it goes on.
The Patriotic Light-Up Necklace is designed to be used as a piece of jewelry, not as a flashlight meant to be carried around, thrashed, trashed, and abused, so I won't try to drown it in the toliet tank, bash it against a steel rod or against the concrete floor of a garage, let my housemate's citty kats go to the litterbox on it, run over it with a 450lb Celebrity motorised wheelchair, stomp on it, use a large claw hammer in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoñata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piñata" too much again - candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piñata Central), with a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or with a pack-of-cards-sized device that Fergy Fudgehog uses; the cannoñata (also located at Piñata Central) is only used to shoot piñatas to piñata parties away from picturesque Piñata Island, and Mt. Erupto is an active volcano on Piñata Island), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analysis, or perform other indecencies on it that flashlights might have to have performed on them. So this section of the web page about this necklace will be ***SIGNIFICANTLY*** more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight that was born to be a flashlight and nothing but a flashlight.
Photograph of the necklace on the floor with all of the LEDs illuminated.
"Foto" of the necklace as it would normally be used.
Spectrographic analysis of the LEDs in this necklace.
Spectrographic analysis of the LEDs in this necklace; spectrometer's response narrowed to a band between 625nm and 635nm to pinpoint emission peak wavelength, which is exactly 629.00nm.
Brief video showing the Patriotic Light-Up Necklace flashing its red LEDs.
O boy, blinking lights!
So thrilling!!
So pulse-racing!!!
Actually, it kinda makes you want to kick one of those Penal-Ware® suicide-resistant prison combys out of the floor & onto its side and then proceed to "bete" "thuh" "livengg" "tweadle" "owt" "uv" "itt" "withh" "ahn" "olld" "orr" "uzdd" "umbrelah" doesn't it?
That music that you hear is from the Atari coin-op arcade video game Roadblasters from 1987.
This product is not sound-sensitive; the zax may be ignored or even muted if it pisses you off.
This video is approximately 5.4387832341 megabytes (5,685,953 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than twenty seven minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
TEST NOTES:
Test unit as purchased at a Safay store in Federal Way WA. USA on the morning of 04-01-13.
UPDATE: 00-00-00
PROS:
NEUTRAL:
CONS:
MANUFACTURER: Unknown
PRODUCT TYPE: Flashing holiday-themed (Independence Day) necklace
LAMP TYPE: Red LED
No. OF LAMPS: 8
BEAM TYPE: N/A
SWITCH TYPE: Pushbutton on/mode change/off on battery case
CASE MATERIAL: Plastic
BEZEL: N/A
BATTERY: 2x CR1220 lithium coin cells
CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
WATER- AND BOOZE-RESISTANT: Light splatter- and perspiration-resistant at maximum
SUBMERSIBLE: PIPI PÒMDETÈ W AP ITILIZE YON BWÒS DAN KI TE TONBE NAN TWALÈT LA, NON!!!
ACCESSORIES: 2x CR1220 lithium coin cells
SIZE: TBA (unable to locate tape measure)
WEIGHT: >20.30g (0.72 oz.) incl. batteries
COUNTRY OF MANUFACTURE: China
WARRANTY: Unknown; presumably guaranteed against DOA
PRODUCT RATING:
This is a seasonal novelty item (Independence Day), so it will not receive the usual "star" rating for that reason.
Patriotic Light-Up Necklace *
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SIZE
go to the litterbox on it, run over it with a 450lb Celebrity motorised wheelchair, stomp on it, use a large claw hammer in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoñata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piñata" too much again 
