WHY I SHOULD NEVER BE A SINGER
The following videos dramatically show why I should ***NEVER*** sing -- heck, I shouldn't even be allowed within earshot (or ten miles!) of a live mic for Christ sakes!!!

***WARNING!!!***
THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS RATE A BIG "OWWW! Turn that $#!7 down!" FROM ME! LISTENING TO THEM MIGHT CAUSE YOUR EARS TO BLEED AND SUBSEQUENTLY CAUSE THE SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF BLOODY Q-TIPS FLOATING IN YOUR PRISTINE WHITE SPOTLESS TOLIET BOWL!!!


Published on Dec 5, 2012
(I Wanna Smite the) Devil with a (Golf Club)

Lyrics & singing (caterwauling)  2012 Craig S. Johnson aka.
URINE POTATO
Music background  2008 Timothy F. Crist aka.
-=ShoeBoX=- at www.wormquartet.com

Please go easy on me...this is only the fifth time I have ever sung
(or attempted to do so anyway), I've never taken voice lessons,
and my recording gear is quite amateurish (consisting of the mic
built into my digital camera, some computer speakers, and the
preloaded software on my computer that's there because it has a
Realtek sound board in it).
 
Vocals (except for the phrase, "with a golf club" three times near
the end of this song) were modified by computer
  
If I come over to your house some day and see bloody Q-Tips floating
in the toliet, there's a pretty good chance that you just finished
listening to me caterwaul something about my having smoteth
Satan with my trusty 'ol Callaway. :-/
  
I added, "***NSFW***" (Not Safe For Work)
because I drop the "F-bomb" once.
  
I wanna smite the devil with a golf club
And not just 'cause I'm tryin' to win the PGA
It's just that I think that he's a total asshaberdasher
And I wanna know what he thinks about my Callaway!
I wanna smite the devil with a golf club
Preferably in the driveway of my dad's
I'm hoping that he'll take a good long look at it and shout,
"O F**K THAT GOLF CLUB HEAD IS ZOOMING TOWARD MY NADS!!!"
And I'd say, "PISS OFF SATAN SING LIKE BABS!!!"
I wanna smite the devil with a golf club (with a golf club)
I wanna smite the devil with a golf club (with a golf club)
I wanna smite the devil with a golf club (with a golf club
I wanna smite the devil with a golf club PLEASE TEE UP!!!



(I Wanna Show) My Curtains to Dan (Rather)

Lyrics & singing (caterwauling)  2012 Craig S. Johnson aka.
URINE POTATO
Music background  2008 Timothy F. Crist aka.
-=ShoeBoX=- at www.wormquartet.com

Lyrics:
 
I wanna show my curtains to Dan Rather
And not just 'cause I'm trying to be a beatnik
It's just that I think he's a real big buttsnoipe
And I wanna know what he thinks about my window treatments!
I wanna show my curtains to Dan Rather
Preferably on a well-maintained golf tee
I'm hoping that he'll take a good long look at it and sniff,
"PYEW these curtains smell like motherf**king pee!!!"
And I'd say, "Thanks Dan that was me!!!"
I wanna show my curtains to Dan Rather (to Dan Rather)
I wanna show my curtains to Dan Rather (to Dan Rather)
I wanna show my curtains to Dan Rather (to Dan Rather)
I wanna show my curtains to Dan Rather NO I DON'T!!!




Tampon (Pist On)

Lyrics & singing (caterwauling)  2012 Craig S. Johnson aka.
URINE POTATO
Music background  2008 Timothy F. Crist aka.
-=ShoeBoX=- at www.wormquartet.com

Lyrics:

I wanna show a tampon to the devil
And not just 'cause I'm trying to hide some Cleanax
It's just that I think he's a major buttsnoipe
And I wanna know what he thinks about my Tampax!
I wanna show a tampon to the devil
Preferably on a large black obelisk
I'm hoping that he'll take a good long look at it and say,
"PYEW! This tampon smells like motherf**king piss!!!"
And I'd say, "Screw you Satan choke on this!!!"
I wanna show a tampon to the devil (to the devil)
I wanna show a tampon to the devil (to the devil)
I wanna show a tampon to the devil (to the devil)
I wanna show a tampon to the devil NO I DON'T!!!




(I Wanna Show) My Garbage Can to (Satan)

Lyrics & singing (caterwauling)  2012 Craig S. Johnson aka.
URINE POTATO
Music background  2008 Timothy F. Crist aka.
-=ShoeBoX=- at www.wormquartet.com

Lyrics:

I wanna show my garbage can to Satan
And not just 'cause I'm tryin' to be a ruffian
It's just that I think he's a royal buttsnoipe
And I wanna know what he thinks about my dustbin!
I wanna show my garbage can to Satan
Preferably on the set of 'Face the Nation'
I'm hoping that he'll take a good long look at it and shout,
"PYEW THIS TRASH CAN SMELLS LIKE F**KING URANATION!!!"
And I'd say, "Piss off Satan & your Ken-L Ration!!!"
I wanna show my garbage can to Satan (to the devil)
I wanna show my garbage can to Satan (to the devil)
I wanna show my garbage can to Satan (to the devil)
I wanna show my garbage can to Satan NO I DON'T!!!




(I Wanna Show) a Vacuum to the (Devil)

Lyrics & singing (caterwauling)  2012 Craig S. Johnson aka.
URINE POTATO
Music background  2008 Timothy F. Crist aka.
-=ShoeBoX=- at www.wormquartet.com

The black obelisk (that thing that looks like the Washington Monument
painted black) is actually a control spire from season 2 of
Digimon: Digital Monsters.

Lyrics:

I wanna show a vacuum to the devil
And not just 'cause I'm trying to be dirty
It's just that I think he's a real big buttsnoipe
And I wanna know what he thinks about my Kirby!
I wanna show a vacuum to the devil
Preferably on a large black obelisk
I'm hoping that he'll take a good long look at it and say,
"PYEW this vacuum cleaner smells like f**king piss!!!"
And I'd say, "Piddle off Satan choke on this!!!"
I wanna show a vacuum to the devil (to the devil)
I wanna show a vacuum to the devil (to the devil)
I wanna show a vacuum to the devil (to the devil)
I wanna show a vacuum to the devil NO I DON'T!!!

Last updated 02-01-14