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I got an e-mail from a guy who claims to know me Claimed he graduated from my high school in the class two years below me And he sat three seats behind me in my composition class And he remembers my old Anthrax shirt that showed off the crack of my ass "Anyway" he says "Just figured I should drop you a line "To let you know that my homepage is finally online "It took me weeks and weeks but it's finally all done "So surf on over cyber-buddy it'll be such fun!" He closed with the ugliest signature I'd seen in a while And a clichéd insincere colon-parenthesis smile The message then repeated with a lot of brackets in it I stared in utter horror and just sat there for a minute From the onslaught of stupidity my mind was fucking beat But from deep in my mind a voice screamed "Dammit, delete!" And as my pointer flailed in panic trying to send this thing to hell I accidentally clicked right on his fucking URL The screen went yellow but the font was yellow too So I couldn't see a thing and there was nothing I could do My P-120 churned and growled like the hard drive was exploding 30 minutes went by and the first banner was still loading I clicked "Stop" and I clicked "Exit" but my browser just ignored me And 3 dozen Geocities ads were popping up before me Every ad had its own window every window spawned another And the windows spawned more windows 'til the screen was fucking smothered So I went for a walk, just so some time could be spent, I came back and it was still sitting at 2 percent So I made myself some dinner and I played a game of Doom, I read a couple novels and I wallpapered my room Three days later it was loaded and my keyboard started to function There was nothing but a 10-gig JPEG saying "Under Construction" The only link on the page said "click here to e-mail me" So I picked a font big enough for astronauts to see (and typed) I don't give a shit about you fucking website I don't give a shit about the life you live I wouldn't give a shit about your fucking website If I had a hundred spare shits to give Then a few days later another blast from the past I got an e-mail from an ex who had dumped me on my ass She said "My web site's up, it's something you've gotta see!" So I figured I should make sure there weren't any pictures of me I clicked and suddenly I was bathed in cutesy clipart galore With more flowers birds and bunnies than a fucking Hallmark store! It said that "This is my page, and it's all about me. "Everything you'll ever need to know updated daily" There were stories about her sister, and pages about her prom, And pictures of the coming out party for her mom, There were pictures of her friends, and pictures of her hats, And a hundred thousand pictures of her scraggly ugly cats There were links to every fucking page that she even knew And each one of them was broken, she even misspelled "Yahoo" When I got through every fucking poem that she had ever wrote I figured it was time to drop this stupid bitch a note (saying) I don't give a shit about your fucking website I don't give a shit about the life you live I wouldn't give a shit about your fucking website If I had a hundred spare shits to give (more synth now) There's so much bullshit on the web it fills me with rage Hell, even Bea Arthur has her own fucking page So don't waste my precious time each day is only so long I could be using that time to write another stupid song So the moral of this story, I think it's plain to see If your website sucks big walrus cock don't send it to me! And if you do don't be surprised, if I get really pissed And subscribe you to the Micheal Bolton fan club mailing list! I don't give a shit about your fucking website I don't give a shit about the life you live I wouldn't give a shit about your fucking website If I had a hundred spare shits to give I don't give a shit about your fucking website I don't give a shit about the life you live I wouldn't give a shit about your fucking website If I had a hundred spare shits to give PRANCE! I don't give a shiiit (I don't give a shiiii-iiiit) about your motherfucking website I don't give a shiiit (I don't give a shiiii-iiiit) about your motherfucking website I don't give a shiiit (I don't give a shiiii-iiiit) about your motherfucking website I don't give a shiiit (I don't give a shiiii-iiiit) about your motherfucking website {fades to silence}