The Ghost Shit 
The kind where you feel shit come out of your chocolate starfish, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet bowl. 


The Clean Shit 
The kind where you feel shit come out of your bunghole, see shit in the toliet bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper. 


The Wet Shit 
The kind where you wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your
underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. 


The Second Wave Shit 
This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more. 


The "Brain Hemorrahage Through Your Nose" Shit 
Also known as "Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and 
practically have a stroke. 


The Corn Shit 
No explanation necessary. 


The Lincoln Log Shit 
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with 
the toilet brush. 


The Nororius Drinker Shit 
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left 
on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush. 


The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could Shit" Shit 
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. 


The Wet Cheeks Shit 
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your toilet muscle gets 
splashed with the toilet water. 


The Liquid Shit 
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl 
and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. 


The Mexican Food Shit 
A class all on its own. 


The Crowd Pleaser 
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. 


The Mood Enhancer 
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. 


The Ritual Shit
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper. 


The Guinness Book Of World Records Shit 
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations. 


The Aftershock Shit 
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven hours is affected. 


The "Honeymoon's Over" Shit 
This is any shit created in the presence of another person. 


The Groaner Shit
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. 


The Floater Shit
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings. 


The Ranger Shit aka. The Dingleberry Shit
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often 
the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
This often leads to the formation of dingleberries that begin to appear after having shited.


The Phantom Shit 
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there. 


The Peek-A-Boo Shit 
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control. 


The Bombshell Shit
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or 
a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities. 


The Snake Charmer  Shit 
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless. 


The Olympic Shit 
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears 
a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit. 


The Back-To-Nature Shit 
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. 


The Pebbles-From-Heaven Shit 
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shit. 


The Premeditated Shit 
Laxative induced. Doesn't count. 


Shitzopherenia 
Fear of shitting - can be fatal! 


Energizer Vs. Duracell Shit 
Also known as a "Still Going" shit. 


The Power Dump Shit 
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done. 


The Liquid Plumber Shit 
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the 
advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.) 


The Spinal Tap Shit 
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways. 


The "I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My Asshole" Shit 
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. 
Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. 


The Porridge Shit 
The type that comes out of your bunghole like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices:
A: flush and keep going, or
B: risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. 


The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Shit 
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning. 


The "I Think I'm Turning Into A Bunny" Shit 
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water. 


The "What The Hell Died In Here?" Shit 
Also sometimes referred to as "The Toxic Dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. 
Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air. 


The "I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There" Shit 
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to 
smear all over the place.


The "Richard Simmons Shit"
When you shit so much you lose 30 pounds.


The Green Shit
The kind of shit you have when you've consumed too much split pea soup, cilantro, and the sort of artificial 
coloring as can be found in Fruity Pebbles.


The "Gift that Keeps On Giving" Shit
This is the kind of shit where you feel it come out of your butt, see shit on the toliet paper, see shit in the toliet,
and for the rest of the day, every time you have to uranate your butt feels unwiped -- so you wipe it and still see
shit on the bungwipe.


The Jackson Pollock Shit
Spatters the inside of the toilet bowl in such a way that it looks like a Jackson Pollock painting.


The Upper Decker
Leaving a shit in the tank of a toliet, so poo water just keeps coming every time you flush the john.


The "On the Clock' Shit
This is any shit that you leave while you are punched in at work.

Lunch hour and coffee break shits do not qualify.


The "Best Quarter I Ever Spent" Shit
This is any shit that you leave in a' pay' bathroom. Thankfully, there aren't too many of these left.

If you're ever in a Mexican border town, be sure to try one!


The Flaming Sphincter Shit
Commonly brought on by an overindulgence of extra hot Buffalo Wings & cheap draft beer.


The Crack Flapper Shit
This shit seems to create its own weather system.

Your butt cheeks feel like they're flapping in the wind when this shit comes out.



The Pond Scum Shit
This shit comes out a lot like liquid poo-poo but leaves this ducking fisgusting layer of brown scum over the toliet water.


If you have any shits to contribute, please send them to me at ledmuseum@gmail.com and I'll
add them to this Shit List as quickly as I am able.


Last updated 09-10-14