FIELD & STREAM EMERGENCY
BLINKING SPOTLIGHT


Field & Stream Emergency Blinking Spotlight, retail $6.00 (www.biglots.com*)
Manufactured by Anex USA Products, Inc. (URL not known)
Last updated 07-04-09




The Field & Stream Emergency Blinking Spotlight is supposed to be a multifunction flasher/flashlight, but since the unit I purchased was defective, I was not able to fully test it.

* Not found on the Big Lots website; so this URL simply leads to their front door.


SIZE



You'll need to procure and feed the unit 3 C cells before it can be used.

The unit has multiple modes of operation; however, since this unit is defective, I cannot explain them for you.



To change the batteries in your light, slide the tailcap a bit, lift it off, take it to a bridge over deep water (the Golden Gate Bridge would be ideal; however, the Juneau-Douglas Bridge would also suffice here), and throw it over the side so that it goes "blub blub blub" all the way to the bottom of Gastineau Channel with all of the bowling balls that were lobbed over that bridge in the 1950s and 1960s...O WAIT!!! THAT'S THE GOOD PART!!! So just set it aside instead.

Tip the used C cells out of the barrel and into a heavy-duty swing-top kitchen wastepaperbasket. Recycle them instead, if your community has a battery reclamation program in place - do not throw them into a field of wildflowers, and for Christ sakes please do not throw them into a trout-filled stream.

Insert three new C cells into the barrel, orienting them so that their button-ends (+) positives go in first.

Place the tailcap back on, and be done with it.
Aren't you glad that you didn't throw that tailcap over the side of the Juneau-Douglas Bridge now?


This is what the Jueau-Douglas Bridge looks like...or what it lookED like anyway before it was replaced in 1976.


And this is what the bridge looks like now.



The Field & Stream Emergency Blinking Spotlight comes in an all-plastioc body, not a metal one. So I won't throw it against the wall, stomp on it, try to drown it in the toliet bowl or the cistern, run over it, swing it against the concrete floor of an outdoor patio, use a small ball peen hammer in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoņata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piņata" too much again - candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piņata Central), with a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or with a pack-of-cards-sized device that Fergy Fudgehog uses; the cannoņata (also located at Piņata Central) is only used to shoot piņatas to piņata parties away from picturesque Piņata Island, and Mt. Erupto is an active volcano on Piņata Island {In the episode "Les Saves the Day...Again", Paulie Preztail says "Hey, ever wonder why this park's called 'Mount Erupto' anyway?", then Franklin Fizzlybear says "I think its an old native term. Means 'very safe.'"}), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analysis, or inflict upon it punishments that flashlights (that were born to be flashlights and nothing but flashlights) may have inflicted upon them.

If it fell in water and you suspect it got flooded, disassemble it as you would for a battery change, dump out the water if necessary, and set the parts in a warm dry place for a couple of days or so just to be sure it's completely dry inside before you reassemble and use it again.

If it fell into seawater, got thrown into a glass of milk, if it fell in a root beer float, if somebody squirted a Massengill brand post-menstrual disposable douche or a Fleet brand disposable enema at it (and hit it with the douche or the enema), or if somebody or something got "pist off" at it and subsequently "pyst" on it, rinse all the parts out with fresh water before setting them out to dry. You don't want your Field & Stream Emergency Blinking Spotlight to smell like seaweed, sour milk, flowers, fresh butts, or rotten piss when you go to use it next. Besides, salt (from seawater, disposable douches, disposable enemas, or uranation), lactic acid (from moo juice), glycerol (from antifreeze), or sugar (from root beer & ice cream) can't be very good for the insides.

So this section of the Field & Stream Emergency Blinking Spotlight's evaluation will appear SIGNIFICANTLY more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight that was born to be a flashlight and nothing but a flashlight.



Beam photograph (flashlight mode) on the test target at 12".
Measures 75.40cd on a Meterman LM631 (now Amprobe LM631A) light meter.



Beam photograph (area light mode) on the test target at 12".
Measures 3.39cd on a Meterman LM631 (now Amprobe LM631A) light meter.



Beam photograph on a wall at ~10 feet.

Those colored graphics toward the left are my "Viva Piņata" posters, and that clock on the right that looks like a gigantic wristwatch is my Infinity Optics Clock.
You may also be able to see two of my SpongeBob SquarePants plush (Squidward Tentacles & Patrick Star) and a Digimon plush (Greymon)


Spectrographic plot
Spectrographic analysis of the incandescent bulb in this product (area light mode).


Spectrographic plot
Spectrographic analysis of the incandescent bulb in this product (flashlight mode).



Spectrographic plot
Spectrographic analysis of the incandescent bulb in this product (area light mode).
Different spectrometer used to show the NIR emission to 1,000nm.


Spectrographic plot
Spectrographic analysis of the incandescent bulb in this product (flashlight mode).
Different spectrometer used to show the NIR emission to 1,000nm.


ProMetric analysis
Beam cross-sectional analysis (flashlight mode).
Image made using the ProMetric System by Radiant Imaging.








TEST NOTES:
Test unit was purchased at a Big Lots store in Federal Way WA. USA on 06-10-09.

Light was made in China. A product's country of origin really does matter to some people, which is why I published it on this page.

Product was defective right out of the box.

Because of this, I will be "awarding" the Field & Stream Emergency Blinking Spotlight the much coveted (cough, sputter, sound of a toliet flushing) "Zero Stars - Whip Out Your {vulgar slang term for male ding-a-ling; rhymes with 'wrecker'} or Sit on the {vulgar term for water closet} and {vulgar term for uranate} On It" rating; plus, that dreadful "" icon will be displayed next to its listings on this website.

Although I will attempt to return this product to the Big Lots store for replacement in the near future (because it has a two year warranty), I cannot guarantee my success with this venture. This was the only unit I found there.


UPDATE: 00-00-00



PROS:
Alternating red & amber flashers are sure to attract attention
Built-in flashlight
Uses batteries that are common and relatively inexpen$ive


CONS:
Test unit was defective right from the get-go and could not be tested
Much higher-than-desired defect rate for this brand - that's what lopped so many stars off its rating.
Not very water-resistant and *DEFINITELY* not submersible


    MANUFACTURER: Anex USA Products, Inc.
    PRODUCT TYPE: Red & amber flasher; flashlight
    LAMP TYPE: Unknown-type incandescent bulbs (flasher); linear-type incandescent bulb (area light); PR-base incandescent flashlight bulb (flashlight)
    No. OF LAMPS: 4 (2 unknown-type bulbs, 1 linear bulb, and 1 PR-base bulb)
    BEAM TYPE: Wide, ringy main beam
    SWITCH TYPE: Slide switch on/mode change/off on barrel
    BEZEL: Plastic; bulbs protected by prismatic diffusers
    BATTERY: 3x C cells
    CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
    WATER RESISTANT: Very light splatter-resistance at maximum
    SUBMERSIBLE: No way Hozay!!!
    ACCESSORIES: None
    WARRANTY: 2 years

    PRODUCT RATING:

    Star Rating





Field & Stream Emergency Blinking Spotlight *






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