STAR TREK: TNG TYPE 1 PHASER MOUSE

Star Trek: TNG Type 1 Phaser Mouse, retail $84.99 (www.amazon.com...)
Manufactured by (Unknown)
Last updated 08-27-09




This is an interesting little gizmo - if you're a Star Trek fan (aka. a "trekker") that is.

It is a balled (analogue) computer mouse that looks like a Type 1 hand phaser from Star Trek: The Next Generation. It has two sound effects like that of a Type 1 phaser being fired, and two red LEDs in its front that "ignite" and flash at the same time.

It plugs into your computer's serial port using a standard female DB-9 connector, and it is compatible with Windows 3.1, and Windows 95 and up.


Size of product w/hand to show scaleSIZE



To use the Star Trek: TNG Type 1 Phaser Mouse, turn your computer off first. This part is important!!! - although the USB system (where many mouses plug into) is "hot swappable", the serial port is not!!!

Plug the end of the mouse's cord into the male DB-9 connector (may be labelled "serial port") on the back of your computer.

Turn your computer back on, allow it to boot up, and wait an additional minute or so after that.

Place a mouse pad (or "mouse mat" for UK viewers) down if you do not already have one in place, and set this mouse on top of that. If your mouse pointer fails to move (as it may on some older machines), you'll need to install the driver software from the included 3.5" diskette.

On the front of the mouse (where the cord enters), there are two somewhat concealed buttons. Pressing the leftmost one is like left-clicking a traditional mouse, and pressing the rightmost one acts like right-clicking.


Now, the real fun begins!
To "fire" the phaser (thus engaging the sound and "igniting" the flashing LEDs inside the mouse's front), press & release that large rectangular button on the upper surface of the mouse; located approximately 35% of the way from the back of the mouse and positioned toward the center. The lights & sound will commence, and will stay on for approximately three (3) seconds, then automatically terminate (turn off).

There are two smaller buttons in front of that which slightly but noticeably change the sound. The left button gives the sound a somewhat "warbly" characteristic, and the right button gives the sound a more "powerful" feel to it. I believe one button sets the phaser to the "stun" setting; the other sets the phaser to the "kill" or "vapourise" setting.



To change the battery, use a fairly sharp instrument like a knife to "pop off" the circuar battery hatch off the bottom of the mouse. Carry it to a bridge over deep water (the Golden Gate Bridge would be ideal; however, the Juneau-Douglas Bridge would also do in a pinch), and throw it over the side so that it goes "blub blub blub" all the way to the bottom of Gastineau Channel with all of the bowling balls that were lobbed over that bridge in the 1950s and 1960s...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead.

Remove the used CR2032 lithium coin cell from the battery compartment, and dispose of or recycle it as you see fit. Do not shoot it into the upper atmosphere of Tau Alpha C.

Insert a new CR2032 lithium coin cell into the battery compartment, orienting it so that it's button-side (-) negative goes in first.

Place the battery hatch back on.
Aren't you glad that you didn't throw that battery hatch over the side of the Juneau-Douglas Bridge now?


This is what the Jueau-Douglas Bridge looks like...or what it lookED like anyway before it was replaced in 1976.


And this is what the bridge looks like now.



This phaser mouse is designed to be used as a computer peripheral, not as a flashlight designed to be thrashed, trashed, and abused. So I won't throw it against the wall, stomp on it, try to drown it in the {vulgar term for feces}bowl or the cistern, run over it, swing it against the concrete floor of a front porch, use a small ball peen hammer to bash it open in order to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoņata (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piņata" too much again - candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piņata Central), a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or a pack-of-cards-sized instrument that Fergy Fudgehog uses; and the cannoņata (also located at Piņata Central) is only used to shoot piņatas to piņata parties away from picturesque Piņata Island), launch it into the upper atmosphere of Tau Alpha C*, send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analysis, or inflict upon it punishments that a flashlight may have inflicted upon it.

In fact, that photograph, spectrographic analysis, and the audio (sound) clips below may just be about it.



Photograph of the front end of the mouse illuminated.


Spectrographic plot
Spectrographic analysis of the LEDs in this phaser mouse.
USB2000 spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.


WAVE file (.wav extension) allowing you to hear the phaser mouse "firing".
(Setting #1). File is 30,188 bytes in length.


WAVE file (.wav extension) allowing you to hear the phaser mouse "firing".
(Setting #2). File is 43,478 bytes in length.








TEST NOTES:
Phaser mouse was purchased on Ebay sometime in 2004.

* From the Star Trek: TNG episodes "Where No One Has Gone Before", "Remember Me?", and "Journey's End".

Product was made in China.
A product's country of origin really does matter to some people, which is why I published it on this web page.


UPDATE: 00-00-00






    MANUFACTURER: Unknown
    PRODUCT TYPE: Phaser-like computer mouse
    LAMP TYPE: 3mm red LED
    No. OF LAMPS: 2
    BEAM TYPE: N/A
    SWITCH TYPE: Push button to actuate; auto-off after ~3 seconds
    CASE MATERIAL: Plastic
    BEZEL: N/A
    BATTERY: 1x CR2032 lithium coin cell
    CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
    WATER-RESISTANT: No
    SUBMERSIBLE: NO WAY HOZAY!!!
    ACCESSORIES: 1x CR2032 lithium coin cell, driver diskette
    WARRANTY: Unknown/TBA

    PRODUCT RATING:

    Product is not designed to emit light, so no "star" rating will be furnished.





Star Trek: TNG Type 1 Phaser Mouse *






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