Programmable LED Message Fan, retail $TBA (est. <$10.00)
Manufactured by (Unknown)
Last updated 03-20-11

The Self-Programmable LED Message Fan (hereinafter probably just called a fan) is a small, handheld battery-operated electric fan. It has two soft plastic blades and a neck lanyard, but most importantly (for this website sakes anyway), there are nine tiny red LEDs on one of the fan blades that display any message you input into the product as the fan blades turn.


To use the fan, face it toward you and press & release the black button on the upper left of its body. Do the same thing to turn it off.

To enter a custom message, first turn the fan on. Press and hold the center button on the right side of the fan's body for ~2 seconds; a flashing cursor should now be visible.

Press the top button repeatedly to cycle through the alphabet; when you have the letter you want, press the center button. If the letter you want is a ways down the alphabet, you may hold the button down to rapidly advance the letters; however, there is no way to back up if you overshoot, so you have to scroll through the entire alpabet again if you screw up in this manner.

To type a space, just press the center button.

To access the numerals 0 through 9, plus a number of special symbols ({heart}, 0 with diagonal line, !, #, $, &, +, -, ×, ÷, =, {comma}, ¥, €, ¢, ?, £, {star}, and .), press the bottom button on the right side of the product (as it faces you) one or more times.

To store your message, press & hold the center button for ~2 seconds.

The fan comes equipped with a break-away neck lanyard to help prevent you from becoming strangled when you get tangled up in bushes; this lanyard is easily repairable by snapping the two plastic pieces of it back together, so you aren't out a lanyard everytime you get your toilet muscle in a sling.

On the back of the fan, you'll find a battery door. Use a small (#0) phillips screwdriver to remove the screw holding it on. Swing the door open, lift it off and remove it, throw it in the {vulgar term for feces}bowl, yank that silvery handle on the front of the cistern down, and flush it away...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead.

If necessary, remove the three used AA cells from the compartment, and dispose of or recycle them as you see fit.

Insert three new AA cells in the compartment, orienting each cell so its flat-end (-) negative faces the spring for it in each chamber.

Place the battery door back on and screw in the screw you removed earlier.
Aren't you glad you didn't flush away that battery door now?

This product is meant to be used as a handheld fan in a dry area, not as a flashlight meant to be thrashed, trashed, and abused. So I won't throw it against the wall, stomp on it, try to drown it in the toylet bowl or the cistern, run over it, swing it against the concrete floor of a patio, bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoñata (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piñata" too much again - candiosity is usually checked with a scanner-type device on a platform with a large readout or with a handheld wand), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analysis, or inflict upon it punishments that flashlights may have inflicted upon them.

The fan is not water-resistant or submersible, therefore, water, milk, diet vanilla Pepsi, cold (or hot) coffee, urine, ice cold fizzy root beer, disposable douches, disposable enemas, tranny fluid, gasoline, diesel, jet fuel, brake fluid, motor oil, or other liquids could get inside. So please try not to drop it in creeks, rivers, ponds, lakes, oceansides, docksides, snowbanks, puddles of rhinocerous pee, tall cold glasses (or short lukewarm glasses) of milk, slush piles, mud puddles, tubs, root beer floats, toilet bowls, cisterns, sinks, cups of coffee (hot *OR* cold), fishtanks, dog water dishes, old yucky wet mops, wall-mounted porcelain uranators, leaky water heaters, busted garden hoses, puddles of antifreeze, brake fluid, tranny fluid, gasoline, or other places where water or water-like liquids might be found. And you'll probably want to cover it up or otherwise get rid of it (such as by putting it in a pocket or bag) if you need to carry it in rainy or snowy weather.

If it fell in water and you suspect it got flooded, disassemble it as you would for a battery change, dump out the water if necessary, and set the parts in a warm dry place for a day or so just to be sure it's completely dry inside before you reassemble and use it again.

If it fell into seawater, got thrown into a glass of milk, if it fell in a root beer float, if it fell into a bowl of "soft-serv" ice cream, if somebody squirted a Summer's Eve brand post-menstrual disposable douche or a Fleet brand disposable enema at it (and hit it with the douche or the enema), or if somebody or something got "pist" off at it and subsequently "pyst" on it, rinse all the parts out with fresh water before setting them out to dry. You don't want your fan to smell like seaweed, sour milk, flowers, fresh butts, or rotten piss when you go to use it next. Besides, salt (from seawater, disposable douches, disposable enemas, or uranation), lactic acid (from moo juice), or sugar (from root beer & ice cream) can't be very good for the motor, the LED driver circuitry, or the battery contacts.

What I find very unique about the fan is that it can display custom (user-entered) messages of up to 16 characters (letters, numbers, symbols, and spaces) each, and have them displayed whenever the fan is subsequently used.

One of the first things I do when testing an LED messaging device is to check for the presence of an onboard censor, and there isn't one. I input the words {vulgar term for intercourse; rhymes with cluck} {vulgar term for feces; rhymes with pit} {vulgar term for vagina; rhymes with runt} and it happily spouted off the stream of obcenities.
I guess I'm just a prick - I just like seeing toliet words spelled out in LEDs.

One thing that pisses me off about this fan is that the message you input into it becomes lost if you doddle {yeah, I'm sure I spelled THAT one correctly!!!} while changing the batteries or when the batteries go to pot. None of the other messaging products (except for the Boogie Lights) that I've tested for this website do this.

This page look a lot like this one?
Thought you'd say so. I used it as a template because the products are so similar.

Photograph of the unit, illuminated

Spectrographic analysis
Spectrographic analysis of the LEDs in this fan.
USB2000 spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.

Video on YourTube showing the fan being programmed with the word "HELLO" and then the fan displaying it.

This video is approximately 10.11476349036 megabytes (10,371,482 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than fifty minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.

Video on YourTube showing the fan displaying the phrase "HELLO EVERYBODY!".

This video is approximately 8.87456583562 megabytes (9,035,974 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than forty four minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.

I cannot provide these videos in other formats, so please do not ask.

Test unit of this was purchased on the Oriental Trading website at an unknown time within the last several years; it turned up while looking for another product that required analyses.

UPDATE: 00-00-00

    PRODUCT TYPE: Programmable LED messaging fan
    No. OF LAMPS: 9
    SWITCH TYPE: Pushbuttons for on, off, and message input
    CASE MATERIAL: Plastic
    BEZEL: N/A
    BATTERY: 3x AA cells
    CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
    ACCESSORIES: Breakaway neck lanyard
    WARRANTY: Unknown/not stated


    Because this product is not intended to be used as a light source, the standard "star" rating will not be used. It *DOES* have 9 tiny red LEDs in one of its blades, so it is at least a bit germane to this website.

Programmable LED Message Fan *

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