NAUGHTY CIGERETTE LIGHTER

Naughty Cigerette Lighter, retail ~$5.00
Manufactured by Unknown
Last updated 02-18-11




This is a refuelable butane "siggeret" "lyter" with a high-temperature flame that says some toliet words whenever it is activated; it features a bright red LED that illuminates a "finger giving the birdie" on one of its sides while it is cussing.

It's very naughty; but funny as the same time.
"Funny" as in "funny like a clown", not "funny" as in "fishy" or "questionable".


SIZE



To use the lighter, flip the lid of the unit up so it's tipped approximately 90° to the side.
The lighter will begin spouting off toliet tongue at this point; if you are lighting your own smoke, this may be ignored.

Firmly press the silvery plunger on the top of the unit down until it clicks, and hold it that way for as long as you need fire.

Release this plunger and flip the lid back down when you are finished using the lighter.

The striker is a piezoelectric element that produces a high voltage spark, not a flint that needs to be replaced on a periodic basis, so that's one less thing for you to worry about.



I have not yet figured out how to change the batteries when necessary - nor do I even know what kind or how many batteries are necessary, so this section of the web page will remain blank for the time being.

(Update 02-14-09)
I figured out how to do it!
I figured out how to change the batteries!!
I figured out Blue Clues!!!

On the bottom of the lighter, there is a small phillips screw. Use a small phillips screwdriver (the #0 with a 1.60mm shaft diameter from my set of jeweler's screwdrivers worked well here) to unscrew & remove this screw.

Lift the lid, then pull the insides of the lighter out - being careful that the spring that holds the batteries in doesn't shoot out and later fall prey to the hungry, hungry vacuum cleaner. This spring is fairly large, shiny, and obvious, so you'd have to be as blind as a bat to not see that happening.

You'll see two AG10 button cells in open compartments for them...
{spoken like Bart Simpson} HELL DAMN FART!!! CRAP BOOBS CRAP!!!
There is a thing with a bunch of wires taped to one of the cells...guess that kind of puts the kibash on this.


To refill this lighter with butane, hold the lighter upside-down, and insert the nozzle of the butane canister into the hole provided for it. Use one of the nozzle tip adapters provided with the butane if the nozzle does not fit. Gently pump the canister up and down several times. It is perfectly normal for a small amount of butane to spray back from the valve on the lighter when you pump the canister and when you remove the canister when the lighter is full.

I haven't refuled a butane "siggeret" "lyter" in many years, so I'm kinda flying by the seat of my pants here.



Because this product was meant to be used as a lighter, not as a flashlight meant to be carried around all the time, thrashed, and abused; I won't try to flush it down the toliet, bash it against the concrete floor of a patio or against a steel rod, let my housemate's kitty cats go to the bathroom on it, run over it with a 450lb Celebrity (electric wheelchair), or perform other indecencies on it that a regular flashlight might have to go through. So this section of the lighter's web page will be substantially more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight who's sole purpose in life is to be a flashlight.

This lighter says a phrase (repeated once) that contains a really naughty toliet word, so I can't make a movie of it to show you how it works and allow you to hear it.
This website is rated TV-G, and if I published that movie, it would then be rated TV-14 or even TV-MA.

It says "{vulgar term for intercourse} you! {vulgar term for intercourse} you!".

I believe this lighter was intended to be used when a stranger asks you for a light, but in this day & age, there is a distinct possibility that he might pull a gun and hose you down with it or pull out a knife and "stab yo ass" with it.
I would not recommend using it for this purpose unless you know the person and know that you wouldn't get stabbed or hosed down when he gets an earful of potty language.

The flame produced by this lighter is highly wind-resistant and is very hot - ideal for lighting things like crack stems* as well as more common products like "siggy butts".

When the battery(ies) poop(s) out, the lighter will continue to function normally; it simply won't cuss anymore.



Picture of the side of the lighter while it is activated.
The naughty part was censored out for this photograph.



Picture of the flame of this lighter.


Spectrographic analysis
Spectrographic analysis of the LED in this lighter.

USB2000 spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.



TEST NOTES:
Test unit was purchased on Ebay sometime around 2001 for ~$5.00.

* I do not condone the use of drugs on this website!!!
I've read about and seen on TV that crack requires a higher ignition temperature than ordinary "open flame" lighters produce.

Most everybody has heard the phrase "Raid kills bugs dead", right?
Well, replace the words "Raid" with "Crack" and "bugs" with "you" and repeat the phrase.
Write it or type it into Notepad if necessary.


UPDATE: 04-27-07
This lighter is now missing.
Some fartknocker has kyped (stolen) my "siggerets" and disposable lighters out of the armrest pocket on my electric wheelchair three times during the last week; it is very possible that this lighter was lifted in the same manner.


UPDATE: 04-29-07
I found it!!!
It was at the bottom of my "manpurse" (EDC bag).


UPDATE: 05-13-07
Some of you have asked about the "Raid kills bugs dead" statement in the Test Notes section of this web page...so here ya go.








    MANUFACTURER: Unknown
    PRODUCT TYPE: Refillable butane "siggeret" lighter
    LAMP TYPE: Red LED
    No. OF LAMPS: 1
    BEAM TYPE: N/A
    SWITCH TYPE: Flip lid up to turn on; auto-off
    CASE MATERIAL: Metal
    BEZEL: N/A
    BATTERY: 2x AG10 button cells
    CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
    WATER- AND PEE-RESISTANT: No
    SUBMERSIBLE: NO WAY HOZAY!!!
    ACCESSORIES: Batteries
    WARRANTY: Unknown/not stated

    PRODUCT RATING:

    Because this product is not intended to emit
    light, the standard "star" rating will not be used.





Naughty Cigerette Lighter *






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