The first installment in what may be a several part series

Company is coming over, and your fucking gross-ass toilet hasn't been cleaned in ages, maybe since you moved in to your oh-so-lovely piece of shit bachelor pad. What do you do? Oh god what do you do?!?

Every bachelor needs to know how to clean a fucking toilet, and today you'll learn how.
First, you need some of this ============>
It's called fucking toilet bowl cleaner.
If you don't have any, use fucking comet or fucking 59 cent Western Family bleach. But never mix fucking toilet bowl cleaner with anything else or you'll inhale nasty toxic fumes and die, curled up around your nasty ass toilet bowl just like fucking Elvis.




This is called fucking sweeping.
You use a thing on a stick called a
fucking broom, and you push all the
newspapers, sticky Playboys (or
Playgirls, if you swing that way), empty
toilet paper tubes, cigarette ashes, dried
up bong water, roaches, broken crack pipes,
or whatever the hell else you have next to
your fucking toilet, and pile it all up in a
plastic garbage bag. Then you take the full bag
outside and throw it in your fucking garbage can.



This is the next step. You see that little
chrome handle on the big square part of
the fucking toilet? You press that down until your
fucking toilet starts to make a funny noise.

This is called fucking flushing.
It makes things like wads of toilet paper, Q-tips,
cigarette butts, and sewer pickles magically disappear.

This empties your fucking toilet before
you start the next step, the actual cleaning.




NEXT... HOW TO ACTUALLY CLEAN A FUCKING TOILET.