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THE GREAT OUTDOORS: PISSING OFF MOTHER NATURE
THE RED DEVIL
Here is yet ANOTHER asinine black & white beginning to a one-half-hour nonstop crank-laced cooking orgy.
When your favorite station rolls the tape on this gem, people are first shown struggling with their regular barbecue grills. Some strain to load them into automobile trunks, others detonate
themselves attempting to light theirs, and the stereotypical housewife figure sweats and strains while trying to clean the filthy
grill of her barbecue.
Turn the color on and enter the ever-cheerful Mick Hasting into the scene; hauling a small red gym bag sized package onto the outdoor set.
Within a few seconds, this gym bag transforms itself into "The Red Devil", a gas-powered portable barbecue grill with high-domed
"instant oven" lid, flimsy-looking gas valve and tubular metal tripod stand.
Naturally, the on-scene "audience" doesn't believe him, so Mick issues the usual challenge: Some of the guys will come up and try to cook
some food on a $1,200.00 gas barbecue; while Mick and Nancy cook similar portions of similar food on the Red Devil.
The Red Devil, of course, far out-performs the expensive gourmet gas grill, in a fraction of the time and at a fraction of the cost.
Then the amazing happens: Mick and Nancy start to prepare entire, multi-course meals on the Red Devil; a complete Thanksgiving meal
is produced, they make chicken fajitas, cook an entire breakfast of eggs, sausages, bacon, French toast, and cinnamon buns on the Red Devil.
To top it off, Nancy makes a birthday cake (or some kind of cake) in the Red Devil, shaming the demonstration guests struggling to cook hot dogs & burgers on the large expensive grill.
Everybody eats, laughs and has a ball.
Somebody cleans the Red Devil with a single paper towel, packs it up into its bag, slings it over his shoulder, and everybody walks off into the sunset. Booooorrrrriiinggg...
This is a fairly boring, repetitive infomercial, as such things go. I tired of seeing it after less than ten viewings over an extended time.
The upbeat Caribbean steel drum music they play during the sales pitches gives this one an extra toilet seat (yes, that's a positive thing) from what it might
have otherwise earned on its own merits. Overall, it's not as bad as the Metrinch or Don Lapre infomercials, but there are a LOT of better ones out there.
MY RATING: One and a half Toilet Seats.
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GOLF PRO IN A BOTTLE
Golf Pro In A Bottle was selected as the most useless, wasteful, and annoying product that was sold through an infomercial
during the last year. Congratulations, Golf Pro In A Bottle. What a waste!
Can you judge a book by its cover? Maybe you can, if it's "Golf Pro In A Bottle."
You know, there's an old saying, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." Golf Pro In A Bottle seems to be just such a product.
This is a brand new infomercial from the Media Group, and I wasted no time in dropping everything to watch its first Seattle airing.
I fear, that it will also be my last viewing: this commercial is just plain BORING!
The commercial's hosts are a pair of "sports reporters" who don't seem at all enthusiastic about this "revolutionary new product".
The rest of the cast consists of various golfers; ranging from semi-professionals to weekend shaggers. 90% of the infomercial's contents
consisted of people hitting golf balls from a rather poorly-maintained tee & fairway. If I were to shoot this infomercial, I sure wouldn't do it
from a tee full of brown, dead, and dying grass and with so many divots in it that it looks like a closeup of Jan Muller's face
from his short-lived Beer Machine ads.
The most exciting points in this program, are the several tape loops of some guy getting all pissed and throwing his golf club about
fifty yards downrange. Everything else is SOOOOO boring and repetitive; I had to struggle through watching the program in its entirety.
And even I was not able to: about 70% of the way through it, I wheeled myself into my kitchen and threw some hot dogs in the microwave; prepared some buns,
and STAYED in the kitchen and ate them. In reality, there are probably just 5 to 7 minutes of actual "raw" tape; the entire length of
this program then just uses and re-uses and re-uses again these same pieces of footage.
Now, about this miracle product. "GOLF PRO IN A BOTTLE?!?" How original a name is THAT?
Come on guys, you can do better than THAT! I'm not sure I'd want to pay $19.95 for a bottle of goop that I must besmudge my precious Callaway or
Big Bertha driver with every
time I want to swing it.
The product, which comes in a plastic bottle with an angled foam applicator; physically resembles the material they make wax toilet bowl rings
out of, but has the consistency of slightly too-hard "soft-serv" ice cream. You firmly run the applicator across the face of your club, then
immediately take your swing with your newly adulterated equipment.
According to an industry insider, Golf Pro isn't very unique - you can obtain equally favorable results by soiling your golf clubs with such materials as canned cake
frosting, Vaseline, Crisco, peanut butter, and almost any other substance with a similar consistency.
Its purpose is to let you say goodbye to annoying slices and hooks forever. If your clubface isn't square,
if you address the ball all wrong, or if you hack at the ball badly; it's supposed to make your ball fly straight & true every time. This is what I have
the biggest problem with. I mean, you can only bend the laws of physics just so far. I think Golf Pro In A Bottle tries to bend them
a little TOO far. I'm afraid that Stephen Hawkings might have something to say about THIS product; if what they're saying and demonstrating
out on the links with it is really true.
Nothing at all is mentioned about whether or not it is effective on a putter. No mention is made either, of how easy or how difficult
the product is to remove from clubs and balls soiled with it. After all, it IS a semi-liquid material; so dirt, sand and dust will quickly adhere to the clubface
and to the spot on the ball which was hit with the treated club.
(Hint: pack a few extra towels in your bag that day).
And what about the possibility of the product soaking into your woods over time, causing them to swell up and explode inside your golf bag?
And what's with putting those fuzzy video censor thingies on some of the golfer's hats? Did they show up for the shoot that day
with "f**k you" or "bite me" printed on
their hats? Are they trying to censor out an advertisement for a competing product? There IS no competing product, as far as I know.
I mean, jeez... it's not like we've never seen the Nike swoosh before.
Now if you will excuse me, I think I saw "Adidas" printed on somebody's hat. Now I'm absolutely driven to leave my home at 3 in the morning, hunt down
an all-night robbery-prone 24-hour shoestore, and buy me some new
sneakers-- remembering to spend it ALL so that when I get home I won't be able
to buy some Golf Pro In A Bottle.
But that's OK, I think I saw a can of Betty Crocker frosting in the cupboard. I'll just use that instead.
I'm sorry guys, but for total lack of originality and excessive repetition repetition repetition repetition
you get One (1) Busted Snapping Toilet Brush! Throw this one back.
The more I hear about this asinine infomercial and the useless product they hawk, the more I hate it.
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