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LED MESSAGE CLOCK

LED Message Clock, retail $39.95 (http://shopping.discovery.com...)
Manufactured by (Unknown) for Discovery Channel Stores (http://shopping.discovery.com)
Last updated 10-08-12

This is a nifty device that combines the functionality of an LED clock with time & date, plus a messaging device that allows user-entered messages to be displayed. The LEDs that display the time, date, and messages are on a wand that moves rapidly back & forth, so it appears as though these numbers & words are displayed in mid-air. User-entered messages can be up to 100 bytes (100 letters, numbers, & spaces); you can have up to nine seperate messages.

The clock displays time in military (24 hour) format only.

An alarm can be set if you desire.
The unit also has a color-changing base; you can turn these LEDs off if desired.

The product comes with a remote control which has buttons for all functions - including the entire alphabet (uppercase & lowercase letters) and the numerals 0 through 9. You can also control how the unit functions plus turn it on & off with the remote. In fact, all of the unit's functions are controlled with this remote, so please try not to misplace it, accidentally drop it in the toliet, or stomp on it.

SIZE

The best thing to do here is to refer you to the furnished instructional material, because programming & using it would just be too complex for me to try & explain.

To change the batteries in either the remote control or the product itself, turn the unit over (being careful not to bend or break that wand sticking out of the top of the main unit), remove the battery door, gently place it on the ground, and kick it into the garden so the hungry, hungry praying mantids will think it's something yummy to eat and subsequently strike at it...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead.

If necessary, remove & dispose of or recycle the two (remote) or three (main unit) AAA cells from the compartment as you see fit.

Place two (remote) or three (main unit) new AAA cells in the compartment, orienting them so the flat-end (-) negative of each cell faces a spring for it in each chamber.

Finally, place the battery door back on.
Aren't you glad you didn't kick that battery door into the garden with all those hungry praying mantids now?

Here is what a praying mantis looks like.
I found this guy on the morning of 09-08-06 clinging to the basket of my scooter.

The message clock is a fairly delicate instrument, not a flashlight meant to be carried around, thrashed, trashed, and abused. It was also a Christmas gift from my parents. So I won't hit it against the concrete floor of a patio, try to drown it in a toilet, stomp on it, throw it against a wall, run over it with a 450lb electric wheelchair, let my housemate's cats take a leak on it, throw it at a wall-mounted porcelain urinator to see if it explodes (the message clock, not the urinator), sit on it really hard, or subject it to any other potentially destructive tests that a regular flashlight might be subject to. So this section of the web page will appear significantly more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight.

The instructional material advises the product's owner to try and not touch the LED wand unless necessary. This wand does appear rather delicate; plus there is a mechanism inside the base that rapidly waves it back & forth with a pretty fair degree of accuracy.

One of the first things I do when I test a programmable message thing is to see if there's an onboard censor, and there appears to be! And a PERMANENT CENSOR at that!!!

I input "{vulgar term for a man or woman who acts as a penis vaccume}! {deliberately misspelled vulgar term for a homosexual male}" into the messaging clock, and it did not display those words, and no longer displays user messages of ***ANY TYPE!!!***

I tried power-cycling the unit (removing the AC adapter and the batteries), leaving it like that for five minutes, then reinstalling the batteries & plugging the AC adapter back in, and no joy.

HEY!!! It just started displaying user-entered messages again - I guess that censor is not quite as permanent as I thought!!!

And guess what?
The censor appears to have become deactivated!!!
I input the words "{vulgar term for a homosexual male} {vulgar term for a man or woman who acts as a penis vaccume}" and it now displays the toliet words!!!

There are five built-in ("canned") messages that automatically display on several holidays, as follows:

 Happy New Year      Jan. 01
 Valentine!          Feb. 14
 Christmas Eve       Dec. 24
 Merry Christmas     Dec. 25
 Boxing Day          Dec. 26

I just tried setting the alarm, and it produces a fairly loud sound, consisting of five closely spaced beeps, followed by a longer period of silence, then the five beeps again, then the silence again...lather, rinse, repeat. The alarm is silenced by pressing the large "OK" button on the remote - though as I just found out, it sounds again in two minutes. Apparently, you have to go in there with the remote and manually turn the alarm off to permanently silence it.

Yes, the product comes with a remote control which has buttons for all functions - including the entire alphabet (uppercase & lowercase letters) and the numerals 0 through 9.
The buttons on the remote control glow in the dark; I did not see this earlier because I did not have the remote control unit in a dark place where I could see it until last night.

Photograph of the product - working, of course.

Spectrographic analysis of the red LEDs in the message scroller wand.

Spectrographic analysis of the red LEDs in the base.

Spectrographic analysis of the green LEDs in the base.

Spectrographic analysis of the blue LEDs in the base.
USB2000 spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.

Spectrographic analysis of the NIR LED in the remote control unit.

WMP movie (.avi extension) showing the unit in action.
This clip is approximately 7.6 megabytes (7,959,190 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than thirty minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
I cannot provide it in other formats, so please do not ask.

The song "Falcon Dump" from the 1990 game "Wasteland" for the Commodore 64 was playing.
The product does not actually respond to sound; so you may ignore or mute the music if desired.

The flickering you see in this clip *DOES NOT* exist in reality.

WMP movie (.avi extension) showing the unit's display "wavering".
This clip is approximately 2.678 megabytes (2,936,308 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than fourteen minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
I cannot provide it in other formats, so please do not ask.

The flickering you see in this clip *DOES NOT* exist in reality.

Video clip on YourTube showing the Message Clock and LEDs in its base in action.

This clip is approximately 24.09342579 megabytes (24,275,406 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than one hundred twenty (!) minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
I cannot provide it in other formats, so please do not ask.

The flickering you see in this clip *DOES NOT* exist in reality.
You should be able to tell by this video that I watched a lot of Beavis & Butt-Head in the mid- and late-1990s.

Another video on YourTube showing the Message Clock and LEDs in its base in action.

This video is approximately 173.98345536 megabytes (174,514,670 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than eight hundred seventy (!) minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
This video is definitely ***NOT*** dial-up friendly!!!

I cannot provide it in other formats, so please do not ask.

The flickering you see in this clip *DOES NOT* exist in reality.
You should be able to tell by this video (as with the one directly above) that I watched a lot of Beavis & Butt-Head in the mid- and late-1990s.

TEST NOTES:
Product was received as a Christmas gift on 12-24-06. Because it was a gift, the more abusive and poterntially destructive tests will not be performed on it.

Product was made in China. A product's country of origin really does matter to some people, which is why I published it on this web page.

UPDATE: 12-30-06
The product has already failed.

The display now only appears at the extreme left and right of the LED wand's travel.
Let's break out the camera and show you with a movie...BBS...
WMP movie (.avi extension) showing the failure.
This clip is approximately 1.4 megabytes (1,699,976 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than eight minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
I cannot provide it in other formats, so please do not ask.

Here's a photograph showing the failure mode.
This is the photograph mom will take with her to the Discovery Store when she exchanges the unit.

I did not issue that dreadful "0 Stars - Whip Out Your Ding-a-Ling or Sit on the Water Closet and Go Tee-Tee On It" rating because it will be returned for warranty replacement in ~one week.

UPDATE: 12-30-06
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, a same-day update.
The product appears to be functioning correctly now. I power-cycled it (removed the AC adapter and the batteries), left it like that for approximately two hours, then reinstalled the batteries & plugged the AC adapter back in, and it displays like it's supposed to.

UPDATE: 12-30-06
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, another same-day update.
I just realised I misspelled one of the toliet words (I accidentally omitted an "s"); when I corrected the spelling, the product still displayed the obscenities.

UPDATE: 01-17-07
I programmed it to read: Hello, seminifrious bungsnoidial tubloidial buttsnoid! {three-letter vulgar term for semen} dumpster! {vulgar slang term for homosexual male}! and it displays the message properly - including the toliet words.

UPDATE: 01-19-07
I added the word Fartknocker! to the message...guess you can tell I watched a lot of Beavis & Butt-Head ten years or so ago.

UPDATE: 01-20-07
I replaced the word {vulgar slang term for homosexual male}! with the word Bunghole!...guess you can STILL tell I watched a lot of Beavis & Butt-Head ten years or so ago.

UPDATE: 01-21-07
I changed the text again to read: Hello, seminifrious bungsnoidial tubloidial buttsnoid! Buttknocker!! Bunghole! Fartknocker!

UPDATE: 01-28-07
The clock in this product appears to be a bit slow - it loses approximately two minutes a week.
This does not mean that *ALL* units will be like this, but *MY* unit is.

UPDATE: 02-20-07
The unit has failed again; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working last time (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick.

UPDATE: 02-24-07
Guess what? The unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working last time (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick.

UPDATE: 02-24-07
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, a same-day update.
The power-cycling thing did the trick.
I had to reset the time & date, but my custom message was still in there.

UPDATE: 03-11-07
I don't know if the clock will honour DST (Daylight Saving Time) or not, but I did have to set it ahead by one hour a little while ago today because DST was moved back three weeks this year.

UPDATE: 06-02-07
I changed the text very slightly again to read: "Hello, seminifrious bungsnoidial tubloidial buttsnoid! Buttmunch!!!! Bunghole! Fartknocker!" in the first memory block, and added the text "{vulgar term for urine} OFF, {vulgar term for urine} ANT!" to the second memory block.

UPDATE: 06-04-07
I added the text "{vulgar term for male ding-a-ling}weed! Dillhole!" to the third memory block, but after staring at the silly thing for fifteen minutes waiting for that message, I have yet to see it. Yes, I checked (more than once too!) to be absolutely, positively, 100% certain the message in that memory block was enabled.

As an aside, the product's clock does not appear to honour DST; no time change was noted when automated devices normally jumped forward one hour.

UPDATE: 06-04-07
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, a same-day update.
I changed the text "{vulgar term for male urinator/inseminator}weed! Dillhole!" to "Dillweed! Dillhole!" to see if maybe a censor blocked it, and I have still yet to see it.

UPDATE: 06-09-07
OOPS!!! Operator error. I changed the text back to "{vulgar term for male urinator/inseminator}weed! Dillhole!" and ran it again - this time, being certain the message display was set to "DAILY", and it displays just fine. I had neglected to do that part last time around; that is why the message did not display.

UPDATE: 06-12-07
Guess what? The unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working the last several times (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick.

UPDATE: 06-12-07
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, a same-day update.
The power-cycling thing did the trick.
I had to reset the time & date, but my custom messages were still in there.

Since this product fails like this fairly frequently, I've decided to downgrade its rating from 3 stars to 2 stars.

UPDATE: 06-21-07
Guess what? The unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working the last several times (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick.

UPDATE: 07-01-07
I slightly changed the text in the first memory block again to read: Hello, seminifrious bungsnoidial tubloidial bungsnoid! Buttmunch!!!! Bunghole! Fartknocker!

UPDATE: 08-10-07
Yup...the unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working the last several times (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick.

UPDATE: 08-12-07
The "fix" worked yet again...this appears to be a pretty standard "fix" for this product, and is the procedure I'd recommend if your LED Message Clock malfunctions in this manner.

UPDATE: 08-17-07
Yup...you can guess what happened...the unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working the last several times (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick. This will probably be my last update regarding this particular failure; because frankly, I'm getting a bit tired of reporting this failure of the product on my website.

UPDATE: 08-18-07
The "fix" worked yet again.

UPDATE: 08-24-07
Yup...you can guess what happened...the unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working the last several times (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick. I have decided to continue reporting failures; I think it's for the best.

UPDATE: 08-24-07
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, a same-day update.
The "fix" worked yet again.
But because it keeps pooping out and it really shouldn't do that, I'm changing its rating. It has now earned (cough, sputter, sound of a toliet flushing) the dreadful "Zero Stars. Whip Out Your {vulgar term for male ding-a-ling; starts with a "p" and rhymes with 'wrecker'} or Run to the Water Closet, Sit Down, and Uranate On It!" rating, and I'll be placing it in "The Toylet Bowl" section of this website.

Just because this was a Christmas present from a loved one doesn't mean I can't give it a {vulgar term for feces}ty rating if it truly deserves a {vulgar term for feces}ty rating.

UPDATE: 09-07-07
I added the text "BUTTKNOCKER! FARTKNOCKER! BUNGKNOCKER!" to the fourth memory block, and it displays the words as intended.
Guess you can really tell I watched a lot of Beavis & Butt-Head back in the mid-1990s.

UPDATE: 09-16-07
I took a short movie of it yesterday evening showing it displaying a birthday greeting I had programmed earlier, set to display only on my birthday (09-15).

WMP movie (.avi extension) showing the product displaying "Happy Birthday!".
This clip is approximately 0.9 megabytes (928,150 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than three minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
I cannot provide it in other formats, so please do not ask.

That sound you might hear is a TV commercial, and may be ignored.

UPDATE: 10-07-07
Yup...you can guess what happened...the unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. I'm going to try the same "fix" that got it working the last several times (leaving it totally unpowered for ~two hours) and see if that does the trick.

UPDATE: 10-07-07
No, you aren't seeing things.
Yes, a same-day update.
As expected, the "fix" was successful.

UPDATE: 10-17-07
Yup...you can guess what happened...the unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself. This time I'm just going to leave it on and see if this is self-correcting or not.

UPDATE: 10-18-07
Leaving it alone did *NOT* do the trick...so I guess the old standby (power-cycling it for at least two hours) is in order here.

UPDATE: 10-19-07
As expected, the long power-cycling procedure did the trick.

UPDATE: 10-25-07
Yup...the unit has failed yet again!; see the 12-30-06 update to read about & see the failure mode for yourself.

UPDATE: 11-05-07
Product displays the correct time; I manually set it back one hour on 10-28-07 and noticed no change due to Daylight Standard Time having been moved up one week this year (it went into effect yesterday morning).

UPDATE: 11-16-07
I added the phrase "IT'S LATE AND SOMEONE BUSTED THE COFFEEPOT!" to one of the free memory blocks.
I used this phrase in the scroll text of some of the demo programs I wrote for the Commodore 64 computer in the early-1990s, that's why I decided to have the Message Clock display it as well.

Here is the text as it appeared in one of my demos; split into three lines so that it would fit the screen.

UPDATE: 02-02-09
The display now "wavers" slightly but visibly from side-to-side (see the video clip I made above, showing this very thing).

UPDATE: 04-07-09
I changed the text in memory block one (1) very slightly again to read: "Hello, seminifrious bungsnoidial tubloidial buttsnoipes!"

UPDATE: 12-01-09
I added the message "URINE NOT ON, URINE WINGLESS HYMENOPTERA!" to one of the three remaining free memory blocks.
It is a polite way of saying "PISS OFF, PISS ANT!".

UPDATE: 12-02-09
I added the message "PIDDLE NOT ON, PIDDLE PAPER WASP!" to one of the two remaining free memory blocks.

UPDATE: 12-06-09
I added the message "POTTY OPPOSITE OF "ON", POTTY CICADA!!!" to the last remaining free memory block.

UPDATE: 12-07-09
I changed the message "URINE NOT ON, URINE WINGLESS HYMENOPTERA!" to"PIDDLE OPPOSITE OF "ON", PIDDLE WINGLESS HYMENOPTERA!!!".

UPDATE: 12-17-09
I changed the message "POTTY OPPOSITE OF "ON", POTTY CICADA!!!" to "URINE OPPOSITE OF "ON", URINE CICADA!!!".

UPDATE: 12-27-10

Video clip on YourTube showing the Message Clock displaying "canned" holiday messages on Christmas Eve, Christmas day, and Boxing Day (the day after Christmas).

This clip is approximately 3.688563451130 megabytes (3,856,279 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than eighteen minutes to load at 48.0Kbps.
I cannot provide it in other formats, so please do not ask.

UPDATE: 01-15-11
I added the message "POTTY OPPOSITE OF "ON", POTTY CLICK BEETLE GRUBS !!!".
This is a spoof of the phrase "Piss off, piss ant!!!".

UPDATE: 02-02-11
I changed the message "PIDDLE NOT ON, PIDDLE PAPER WASP!" to "WEE-WEE OPPOSITE OF "ON", WEE-WEE JERUSALEM CRICKET LARVAE!!!" This is a spoof of the phrase "Piss off, piss ant!!!".
And yes, I know that should be "NYMPHS" rather than "LARVAE", but for some reason, I just like seeing the word "larvae".

PROS:
Unique way of displaying messages
Handy-dandy remote control for all functions, numeric, and text entry - yes, it includes the full alphabet and numerals 0-9
No onboard censor

CONS:
Poops out at times (this is, ***BY FAR***, what lopped the most stars from its rating.

)
Does not appear to honour DST (Daylight Saving Time)
No onboard censor

MANUFACTURER: Unknown
PRODUCT TYPE: LED clock with messaging feature
LAMP TYPE: LED
No. OF LAMPS: At least 9 (7 in the display and at least 2 in the base)
BEAM TYPE: N/A
SWITCH TYPE: N/A
CASE MATERIAL: Plastic
BEZEL: N/A
BATTERY: 5xAAA cells (2 for remote & 3 in base)
CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure
WATER RESISTANT: No
SUBMERSIBLE: NO WAY HOZAY!!!
ACCESSORIES: AC adapter, remote control
WARRANTY: 6 months

PRODUCT RATING:

LED Message Clock * http://shopping.discovery.com...

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